I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
