I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
