Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This toilet bowl is my home.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
