You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
