I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I love you. Go after that dick
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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