I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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