Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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