dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
