I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
