Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize