with your own penis?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
