eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
