I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
