I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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