"it" just moved
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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