Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he fucked my hip out of place.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
