Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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