So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
