We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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