The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
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I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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