...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
