just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
