im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
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