Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
