Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
