the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Someone shattered a urinal.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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