lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize