Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
