When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
