So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
