just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
