We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
