I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
