Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
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We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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