Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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