A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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