I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
