I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
