Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
