He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
