I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
