Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
