So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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