We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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