its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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