It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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