Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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