Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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