is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
