How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
