it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It's just like the Real World with babies
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
