I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
