I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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