i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
