Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
