Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
