take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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