I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
