You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize