I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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