I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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