Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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