When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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