i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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