STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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