is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
