i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
