I puked a lego.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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