my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
accomplished twins. life is a go
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
