My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
