I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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