I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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