just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We got so high we made milksteak
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Houston, we have a blender
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
