i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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