Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
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I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Who died my cat blue again?
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