I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
