words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
