i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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