I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
