I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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