Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
