you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
