I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
