He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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