mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
