Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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