I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
