Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
