I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
