When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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