so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
