kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize