gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
