Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I need a beard to bite.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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