ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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