she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
